At the 28th annual Old People Convention many people pledged never to return to the event due to brewing internal tensions.

"I met an old friend of mine Swifty MacSwaggart and shook his hand like I would any old friend.  He told me that I could suck his sack and then shot my wife in the back with an uzi.  I think the Old People Convention will need some restructuring after this horrible year of tragedy."

Update: As it turns out the old people was accidentally held at a negro strip club

 

After years of suffering from hidden pain and misery, ugly people everywhere came out of the closet to discuss life, love, and what it means to hug a friend.

"What really touched me," said Ichebod Flemming, "is how these people could talk to me without calling me 'shit for a face', 'deformed fetus' or 'leprous blimp'".

There was one incident where an official said one women "would even be rejected by Oscar Myer" but everything else seemed to run smoothly; that is until a group of high school kids razed the building and beat everyone to death.
 

Barney the Dinosaur's body on display in Stalingrad
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The U.S. and Russia agreed to reduce their nuclear arsenals by liquidating the more useless nations "like France" thereby eliminating some of their old arsenal and paving the way for new life forms "like Troll Dolls"